The Bali Breakdown: My Guide To My Happy Place.

I think it's safe to say, after visiting the place twice in the space of 6 months, that I love the little island dream that is Bali. And since travelling there twice this year, I've been asked by so many people what they should expect, what my recommendations are, where is the best place for xyz, etc etc. I don't by any means claim to be an expert- definitely hop onto the youtube-train for the super professional break downs- but I can give the average Joe a pretty easy run down of anything and almost everything you really need to know.

And bear with, this is going to be a long one. Basically; I'll give you the basic overview and vibe of each place, list some great restaurants in each place, and then things you have to do in each spot. Simple.

UBUD:

The yoga capital in Bali. This place is the only totally inland area I've visited and I used it largely as a base for day trips because it's a little easier to get to the hikes and various waterfalls from here. It's essentially the cultural epicentre of Bali as it's where a lot of the temples are (or are close to), it's not all about the surf and the shopping, and it's just surrounded by kilometers and kilometers of rice paddies.

Both times I've been, I stayed in very different areas. This first, I was right on Hannoman street which is the trendy main street with most of the cafes and beautiful boutiques. Yes, surprisingly, Ubud is brilliant for shopping. And has some of the coolest restaurants. The second time we stayed quite far out of the central vibe, in a house in the middle of rice paddies. Both places were beautiful, but I definitely recommend that if it's your first time in Ubud, stay more central because you stumble across the coolest places when just wandering around.

Things you have to do there:

• Go to Tirta Empul, it's the holy water temple and you get to take part in the ritual. I personally had a really incredible and emotional experience there, being someone who believes in manifestation and mantras. Whether you are that person or not, it's definitely a beautiful experience.

• Do the Mt Batur hike. It's a sunrise hike up one of the volcanoes, and is entirely worth the high altitude and 3am start. You hike entirely in the dark on the way up and make it to the top just in time for the beautiful sunrise and glowing view of Mt Agung right across from you. It's challenging folks, trust me, there's not an awful lot of oxygen and the ground isn't totally stable because it's largely volcanic rock that can just crumble every now and then- but there are tons of groups that do it together and you can always just fall back and walk with the slower groups. And then by 7am, you're back down at the bottom and can spend the rest of the day by a pool or at a spa!

• A yoga class; specifically at Yoga House Ubud. It's the most beautiful studio, in the middle of the rice paddies, through some very narrow alley ways that just open out to the most incredible view. I haven't done one, but I've heard they're amazing and I definitely recommend the sunrise class.

• The art market; another thing I haven't done but one that I regret not getting to. This one is notorious for ripping tourists off, but definitely go to look at the beautiful art works and market stalls.

• Go to the waterfalls! Yes, another one I have yet to tick off the list, but one that I heard is worth the drive. They're at least one to two hours away from central Ubud, but I've heard they're so beautiful. Especially if you go first thing in the morning before the rest of the tourists have woken up to get their insta pic. The most popular and touristy one is the Tegenungen waterfall, but I recommend diving into Youtube to find out about some of the more secret spots.

• Rice Terrace tour- be it a walking tour or a cycle tour, you have to do this! But be warned, if you snap a shot of a local walking with a basket on their head; they may ask you to pay for that shot- they've caught on and have figured they can cash in on that classic Bali picture.

• Goa Gajah; didn't make it but it was at the top of my list the first time I went. Apparently it really is incredible.

Where to eat:

• Kafe- cute, has healthy options and most importantly- dairy free ice cream.

• Clear Cafe- 100% set aside at least three meals for this place, because I swear you won't be able to choose off the menu. Their prices are super reasonable but most importantly, their menu is like a bible. There are meals for every dietary preference or eating style (aka vegan, paleo, dairy free, grain free etc)- AND they have vegan milkshakes. Not only that but the actual restaurant itself is really beautiful- just not the best service but that you can look past.

• Atman Cafe- decently priced, beautiful view out the back, and generally a really lovely and peaceful atmosphere; a great place to get work done if you need to.

• Earth Cafe- haven't been to the Ubud one, but if it's anything like the one in Seminyak- I love it and would like to move in as a permanent resident.

• The Seeds of Life- interesting, pretty cool raw pizza, Very Vegan.

KUTA:

Just chaos tbh. If you like a hustle bustle city, then great. But if you're looking for a hustle bustle city, why are you in Bali? Kuta is super Westernised, super over populated, and just madness. Generally, Kuta is best for a club night or a crazy shopping spree (if you're up for a Roxy store every 500m).

Things you have to do there:

• Go to Sky Garden! Your entrance fee pays for an all you can eat buffet and all you can stomach bar. No joke, unlimited food and unlimited drinks. If you can ignore the extremely sticky dance floor in the very 80's disco bar, it's a vibe. The best part is that suddenly at about 10pm, the restaurant turns into a total party and people end up dancing on the tables.

Where to eat:

Honestly, I think I was in Kuta for a total of 12 hours and therefore didn't get to peruse the health/vegan cafe selection.

ULUWATHU:

The surf capital. Super chilled area, basically if you just want to eat good food and bum on the beach- this is the place for you. The nicest thing about Uluwathu (besides tanned surfer boys wandering around 24/7) is that it's basically just one main road looped through the area. Honestly, everything is on this road and essentially as long as you stay on the road, you will make it back to where you started. And the sunsets are actually what dreams are made of so make sure you go down to Padang Padang beach to watch it. Also this area has beautiful and affordable AirBnB's and villas, and not that many hostels- the houses just get booked up super quickly so don't leave it for the last minute!

Things you have to do there:

• Go to Pandawa beach- it's a little out of the way of the main strip, but it's the most incredible drive down this winding road- with literal statues carved into the cliffside. And then once you're on the beach- you are in absolute paradise. White sand and crystal blue waters that are the perfect temperature to spend probably about 12 hours just floating. The saltiest water you will ever swim in, but worth it. And there's a little cafe on the beach with the best fruit salad featuring the best mango to ever pass your lips. Cannot rave about this place enough people.

• Uluwathu Temple- built into the cliffs and the most confusing maze like place ever, you have to do it. Just be warned; the monkey there are intense and have a soft spot for stealing your sunnies or specs.

• Single Finn- so personally, I've been three times and found it overrated but you are also reading the blog of a 70 year old trapped in a 22 year olds body so don't take my word for it. The party is held every Wednesday and Sunday, and it goes rogue because at 11pm the top floor dj stops playing and you have to traipse down the slippery sea steps to the floors below where the room is a third of the size above and the music is the dirtiest trance to ever be heard. Safe to say; not my cup of tea. But I can vouch for sneaking into the hotel pool next door for a midnight swim- just don't wave to the dj because he will rat you out to security, take it from me.

Where to eat:

• Suka Espresso- pretty reasonably priced, breakfast till 3pm, great coffee, amazing atmosphere, the perfect spot to sit and work. (Do yourself a favour and order the pesto zoodles, as someone who was not previously a zoodles fan, I am converted.)

• Bukit Cafe- A typical insta spot, but seriously good food! Their chickpea curry is phenomenal and the chai latte is one of the best I've had. And on your way out, 100% get one of the ice creams in the freezer at the door- a personal favourite was the dark chocolate peanut butter but they're all great (yes I have tried almost all of them and miss them every day).

• Nalu Bowls- not as picturesque as the Canggu Nalu, but still pretty cute. The owner is usually hanging around there and there's a really cool vibe and the friendliest people! Definitely get the J-Bay bowl.

CANGGU:

I genuinely went back to Bali this year purely for Canggu. I'm not even over exaggerating. It's like the hipster trendy parts of Cape Town, in one teeny tiny surfer spot. The beaches have BLACK SAND people. It's so sick- so if anything, do it for the insta (lol). There are really nice hostels here but SO many villas and cute houses for so ridiculously cheap (aka I stayed in a three bedroom house with a swing in the kitchen for basically less than R200 a night). Canggu is really my favourite part of Bali, it's the perfect spot for really really zoning out and relaxing. It's the ideal 'work spot' too, if you have shizz to get done, because there are so so many cafes- just wait for the food list, you have no idea.

Things you have to do there:

• Taco Tuesday Tattoos- guys, Deus Ex Machina has a thing on Tuesdays, if you are one of the first ten people to get your name on the board at 4pm, you get a free tattoo by one of two of the best tattoo artists. It's worth it, it's so much fun, and it creates quite a vibe with all the people and their friends waiting around eating tacos and planning their tattoos.

• The market by Love Anchor- It's this super cool market that has clothing, jewellery, super gimmicky tourist knick knacks, as well as a cute Poke restaurant just outside. It's right across from Deus and behind Ripcurl, pretty hard to miss.

• Be A Beach Bum- Canggu is so quiet and so quaint that the best thing is to just go for a late brunch, spend the day on the beach drinking cocktails, do some amazing boutique shopping, and then go for a drink and a pizza- it's ultimate holiday vibes.

Where to eat: (there are tons so I'm going to keep it short)

• Shady Shack: Huge meals, good prices, delicious. Usually very busy so go at off-peak times.

• Crate: Always packed so get in early. SUPER cheap for the size and quality that you get. Amazing food.

• Cafe Organic: Classic Insta-cafe. Not as good as instagram makes it look but the Afrika smoothie bowl is bomb.

• Motion Cafe: didn't go but wish I did, fitness cafe which also looks like a great spot to work.

• The Avocado Factory: Haven't been but anything that's based entirely on avocados has go to be great.

• The Loft: cute and small, great coffee, decent food.

• Nalu Bowls: the most chilled environment, take a book and treat yourself to a date.

• Luigis: GREAT pizza, look up when their specials are.

• Matcha Cafe: matcha everything, that's all you need to know.

• Two Trees Eatery: Really good smoothies and chickpea omelette, and very cute.

• Island Bagels: Bagels, that's all you need to know.

• Bali Bowls: Be it smoothie bowls or nourish bowls, it's great. Very cute and the menu looked amazing.

• Cinta Cafe: Beautiful view, decently priced, great portions and very instagrammable pancakes.

SEMINYAK:

This area is like a really great mix between the craziness of Kuta and the cute cafes and boutiques of Canggu and Uluwathu. The perfect shopping area, honestly just go crazy. There are boutiques and brands from basically all over the world and most of them are within 3km of each other (basically along two or three main roads). Seminyak is also great for its pool parties and events- literally a pool party almost every day. And unfortunately, despite being in Seminyak four times in my two trips to Bali, I have never been to the beach- but I've heard it's incredible and apparently ideal for beginner surfers.

Things you have to do there:

• Shop

• Shop

• Shop

• Go to a pool party

• Shop

• Eat at the cutest resturaunts

• Shop

Where to eat:

• Earth Cafe: literally my safe space in Seminyak. I think I went there twice a day, whether it be just to look around, to have a smoothie, have a whole meal, blog, or just pop in and buy a cookie. The menu is absolutely unbelievably massive and entirely vegan. The people who work there are lovely and respect when you want to just sit and work for hours. The food is even better than you expect.

• Shelter: AMAZING breakfasts. Huge huge portions and really well priced for what you get. Such a cute environment too.

• Coffee Cartel: So aesthetically pleasing it hurts. Meals give you macro break downs so if you are calorie/macro conscious it's great.

• KYND Community: Another very very instagram hot cafe. Didn't manage to go because I was flat broke and it was always packed, but I have heard amazing things all round.

• Sea Circus: Amazing menu, extremely fun and colourful space. Quite expensive honestly, but all the food sounds incredible

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EXTRA TIPS:

• Nasi Goreng and Mie Goreng are amazing and extremely cheap. It's one of my favourite local dishes and I don't think I've met a single person who has disliked it. Especially if you get it with a fried egg.

• "Terima Kasih" means thank you in their language, and they are very friendly and respectful people who love it when they hear you say it!

• Take you shoes off if you enter Balinese restaurants or their stores. Westernised boutiques and stores aren't bothered, but it's respectful when entering restaurants and especially homes.

• Be careful of the animals, the monkeys steal and the dogs can be aggressive.

• Use apps like Go-Jek, Grab and Blue Bird for taxi services, their rates are often much lower than the local taxis. Go-Jek and Grab also work like Uber Eats and you can order food through them, it just often takes ages to get there, and sometimes they'll cancel on you.

• There are certain tourist hotspots where the taxi services mentioned above are not allowed to enter, because of rivalry with the local everyday taxis. It helps to get the number of a taxi driver who you can trust and deal with the directly instead of through the apps, that way they aren't at risk. Or if you are wanting to be picked up from a tourist spot, walk a little away from the area and a taxi can pick you up outside of the immediate zone.

• If you're going to shop in markets, draw cash.

• Learn to scooter or travel with someone who can- you end up spending less money on moving around and everywhere is easy to get to on a scooter.

• Always carry a kikoi or sarong with you in case you have to cover up where you go.

• DO NOT DRINK TAP WATER. Buy big bottles of water and drink that, unless you enjoy Bali Belly.

• They often don't have toilet paper in the loos and use the "Bum Gun", so carry toilet paper with you- or just get used to a damp tooshie.

• Plastic is a problem there and they have a serious issue with pollution because of the massive tourist boom in the last 10 years, so be mindful of your plastic use. Don't use single use straws, carry around a reusable coffee cup and water bottle, and shop with your own material bags- always try to refuse plastic where you can.

• Bali is a small island, most places are easy to get to via scooter or car, but be aware that there is almost always bad traffic and if you take a car specifically, you will sit.

• Traffic to the airport is always a problem so plan ahead for that.

• Also taxis from the airport are expensive and will very likely rip you off, be prepared for that and try find people to split a taxi with if you can.

• Stay in hostels as much as you can, they're affordable and most of them are actually really cool. The island has really built itself around young back packers and travellers and a lot of the time, the hostels are as nice as the hotels or villas that you're paying double for.

• Most cafes add 15% to your bill when you pay, as the tax is not included in the price on the menu. This will often come as a shock, so mostly look out for the little notes at the bottom of the menu saying whether or not the tax is included in the prices.

• Eat out and enjoy the cute cafes, but don't totally knock doing so grocery shopping and meal prepping yourself. I personally love grocery shopping in other countries and seeing what they have, and it will save your wallet the stress too.

• Be aware that the island is in The Ring Of Fire and can experience natural disasters. Just this year while I was there I face two volcano threats and about 8 earthquakes. It's scary, so just know that it can happen whenever. And if an earthquake happens and you can and have the resources, help the locals. They are the friendliest nation of people I have ever come across and give so much love to tourists, reflect their kindness.

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And that's that for now chickens, I'm sure I'll add to this if I can think of anything more but honestly, these are the things that stuck with me the most.

It's long but helpful and I hope you find it to be. If you are travelling there soon; have the time of your life, send the island my love and be safe x